Sobrevivimos El Monstruo

Last weekend Pat and I drove to the center of the island (where the mountains live) to check out Toro Verde Adventure Park. Alas, here “Adventure Park” roughly translates not to “amusement park” but instead “bunch o’ ziplines.” Rides per zipline are surprisingly expensive, so we chose to set our sights on only one: El Monstruo.

El Monstruo is the second-longest zip line in the world and the longest in the U.S. It’s 2.5km long, however the hell long that is. Okay, the internet says approximately 1.5 miles. There you go.

It also advertises speeds of up to 90 mph, but Pat and I conferred post-ride and we’re pretty sure you don’t so much as approach those speeds unless you’re at the top of the weight limit (which is 270 pounds, since you asked).

The “adventure park” (Oh yeah? SHOW ME ONE ROLLER COASTER) assigns you a time slot when you purchase your tickets, but based on our experience you can wander up whenever and they’ll start outfitting you for your ride. In addition to a helmet, they strap you into a harness before sending you up to the launch tower.

El Monstruo requires a Superman-style flight, so they pull a sort of sling under you before chucking you into the mountainous abyss. Not sure what I mean by that position? Allow this rando to demonstrate:

Oh, you want to see one of us do it? Fine:

The ride is a two-parter: you zipline out into the mountains, dismount, and then zipline back toward base. Not all the way back, though; you and your fellow zipliners will need to climb into the back of a truck for the final leg of the return trip. The general consensus was that this bumpy, hilly journey was the most thrilling part of the trip.

Which is to say that, being the jaded roller coaster-riding, non-heights-fearing people that we are, Pat and I found the experience rather underwhelming. I mean, it was fun enough, but it’s basically mountain views at speed. You can just as easily look out at the mountains from the Adventure Park (“adventure park”) bar while sipping a drink, which is a thing we did after for free. Well, the cost of the drink. But the drink wasn’t $70, so.

In conclusion: Toro Verde Adventure Park is okay. It’s certainly no amusement park. My kingdom for even so much as a Six Flags!